Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2007 14:16:22 GMT -5
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you
> should have remained a virgin."
> -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
>
> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
> pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but
> fine against a wall."
> -- Eleanor Roosevelt
>
> Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
> have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
> statement.
> -- Mark Twain
>
> The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
> and to have the two as close together as possible.
> -- George Burns
>
> Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
> -- Victor Borge
>
> Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
> -- Mark Twain
>
> By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
> get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
> -- Socrates
>
> I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
> -- Groucho Marx
>
> My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
> stops to breathe..
> -- Jimmy Durante
>
> I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
> -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
>
> Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
> groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
> -- Alex Levine
>
> My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
> -- Rodney Dangerfield
>
> Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant
> form of misery.
> -- Spike Milligan
>
> I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the
> position.
> -- Mark Twain
>
> Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
> -- Joe Namath
>
> I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
> nap.
> -- Bob Hope
>
> I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
> -- W.C. Fields
>
> We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
> through Congress.
> -- Will Rogers
>
> Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will avoid
> you.
> -- Winston Churchill
>
> Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts
> to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
> -- Phyllis Diller
>
> By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
> anywhere.
> -- Billy Crystal
>
> The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
> should have remained a virgin."
> -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
>
> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
> pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but
> fine against a wall."
> -- Eleanor Roosevelt
>
> Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
> have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
> statement.
> -- Mark Twain
>
> The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
> and to have the two as close together as possible.
> -- George Burns
>
> Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
> -- Victor Borge
>
> Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
> -- Mark Twain
>
> By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
> get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
> -- Socrates
>
> I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
> -- Groucho Marx
>
> My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
> stops to breathe..
> -- Jimmy Durante
>
> I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
> -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
>
> Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
> groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
> -- Alex Levine
>
> My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
> -- Rodney Dangerfield
>
> Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant
> form of misery.
> -- Spike Milligan
>
> I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the
> position.
> -- Mark Twain
>
> Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
> -- Joe Namath
>
> I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
> nap.
> -- Bob Hope
>
> I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
> -- W.C. Fields
>
> We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
> through Congress.
> -- Will Rogers
>
> Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will avoid
> you.
> -- Winston Churchill
>
> Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts
> to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
> -- Phyllis Diller
>
> By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
> anywhere.
> -- Billy Crystal
>
> The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
